Saturday, May 3, 2014

When release is not a release

I had a decent week for running - 30 miles even. That followed on the heels of a 35 mile effort last week. I would like to do more, but am still chilling out a bit due to the hamstring injury. And the hammy is getting better. But I am trying to take it slowly, and not push the envelope on how much running to do while recovering from a running injury.

I had a bunch of sleepless nights as well this week. Releasing the book, Run, which I thought was going to be a relief, has actually stressed me out. . . completely. With its publication, I somehow feel as if I have invaded my own privacy; oddly in a manner that is more personal than this personal blog. Somehow, sharing a story from my imagination, to me, seems much more revealing than putting a weekly summary of thoughts and activities in this space. It is kind of like how some people think a kiss is more intimate than sex. And in some ways it might be.

I found a typo in the book - that was a bit traumatic for me. It isn't glaring. And everyone - editors, me, other readers (except the one who pointed it out) - has glossed over it. But I know it is there, and it bothers me. I will, at some point, talk with the layout people and see if I can't get it (literally one word, 'are') deleted.  My mother had been reading a best-seller a few weeks ago and had found a huge typo in that work; a sentence that started and then ran into another sentence to be absolutely a jumble of meaninglessness in the middle of the work. So I can take some sad solace in knowing that these mistakes happen in the big leagues as well. I am hoping that 'are' is the only error I find (or have pointed out to me).

I'm finding most reactions to the book to be very favorable. The novel is meant to be a fun read for runners and fans. It isn't meant to be great literature - only a good story. I think most people get that. I want people to like the characters, even though in some ways, they are unlikable. I have been told by many people that the narrator is ridiculously like me. And that is probably true. And that is also probably where a lot of my anxiety is derived.

I'm taking today off and hitting the trails on the Rock Hopper.  Afterward I hope to grab some veggies at the farmers' market. Tomorrow I'll kick out a long run and try to have it pull me out of my brooding self-doubt for a few hours.

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